Victoria's Love - Tale of valid expectation or insecurity! Lessons from her relationship!

By - Abhudai Pal 

Victoria, an undergraduate girl, had average expectations from life. She was a rationalist and meticulous in her life choices. If you meet her, you will be surprised how someone could be so sorted!

Friendliness and Helping everyone in her personal capacities were qualities she was known for. Albeit, she has plans for every stage in her life. However, life has the habit of going topsy-turvy.

Pic credit unsplash.com 

So the calm, stable, and jolly girl life was shocked by Aman, her college friend.

A few months ago, when Aman asked for Victoria's help in an assignment, even she had not thought some "help" would be emotionally taxing. Actually, after the help, romantic developments happened.

Usually, Victoria used to avoid such stuff. However, hormones do exist! And with Aman, her hormones ruled over her rationality. When Aman proposed to her, she could not resist and fell for him.

No one had thought that she would fall at this juncture. Even she was surprised how she could deviate from her plan.  

Then, took place the exchange of never-ending talks, roses, and every symbol of love that exists. Things were going happily and, no animosity or insecurity ever developed between them. Both were good, and their relationship was envied by everyone.

But Victoria sensed something about Aman that did not satiate her relationship. So, after mustering a lot of courage, she questioned her.

Pic credit Unsplash.com

Why did you get intimate with every girl? Why did you talk with those girls till 4 am, and if it is just normal conversation then, why do you have to hide your cell phone from me? 

How could you wrap your arm around her waist when walking? Why do you compliment every girl? Why do you give a bike ride to every friend of mine?

 Are you in a relationship with me, or Are you in relationships?

After listening to Victoria's rant, Aman too replied furiously and shouted at her and called her the most "Insecure," "Conservative," and "Anti-modern."

"You are a moron, who unfortunately born in the 21st century. You do not belong to this era. Who thinks like that? What harm does it pose to our relationship if I talk to someone till 4 am? And what harm does it pose if I wrap my arm around any girl's waist? It is common, nowadays.

And why do I have to explain to you all this? Even if I gave rides to others, I am emotionally connected with you only! You seriously need to consider for a therapy".

Aman added further.

The Aman's reply to her concerns was like a stab at her emotional well-being.  Since then, Victoria blocked his presence from her life. She had never thought that her first relationship experience would be so drastic.

If you pay attention to the relationship of Victoria and Aman, you will notice that their relationship was doomed to fail sooner or later. It is mainly because of their understanding of "Romance."

Victoria expects her partner to be physically and emotionally intimate with her only. For her, she could not allow a random guy to wrap his arm around his waist. She won't talk till 4 am with anyone.

She is unwilling to allow anyone to touch her, embrace her, hug her, and justify it under the garb of Modernism. For her, these moments are special and reserved for the person only. She does not expect her partner to stop talking with girls. However, she expects it to be normal, just normal, not special! That became too much for Aman.

Pic credit unsplash.com

When she does so, she also gives Aman the exclusive rights to talk stuff and do things that she won't allow anyone else. So, she is crystal clear in her approach.

To put Victoria's behavior in terms of psychology, Victoria is demisexual, i.e., she does get intimate after having an emotional connection with someone. 

However, Aman's seems ultra-liberal organism. He has conquered his hormones to the extent that even if he hugs, kiss, embrace other girls, he still remains emotionally attached with Victoria only.

He gives a ride to every girl, talks till eternity with every one of the opposite sex, and still won't fall for them. It is beyond my horizon.

Considering Aman's attitude, I think that he will justify having sex with other girls in a relationship under the banner of "MODERNISM."

Maybe Aman is right. He has achieved enlightenment in his life that he can get physically intimate with a person of the opposite sex without being emotionally attached and vice-versa. 

Who is right or wrong? I do not know.

However, the notion/understanding of the relationship between Victoria and Aman does not strike a chord.

Meanwhile, Victoria should be happy rather than depressed because she got to know Aman's Modernism and rejected it.

And in the future, she should refrain from doing anything which might lead to expectations from her partner. She should understand whether her notion of relationship matches with her partner or not before falling again!

Practical Wisdom

It would be best to understand a person's notion of relationship before falling for any relationship.

Better to know a person, take time, and let things fall in line. 

Victoria was hurt not because of Aman. But because of expectations. 

Do not be a victoria who lost this battle in life because of hormone's rule!